June 15, 2007

Great Dance-off, Round 2—Shufflin' bracket

Maybe this matchup should be called the "ill-advised music video" bracket...

The mother of all regrettable music videos—the '85 Bears "Shufflin' Crew" show how it's done AND fake-play some instruments at the same time.


In what almost seems like an homage to the Bears shufflin' antics...Sammy Stephens dances AND raps about the merits of his flea market. It's just like...it's just like...I'm drawing a blank

Da Bears!

Flea Market!

Mini-mall Shuffle or Super Bowl Shuffle?
Da Bears!
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June 9, 2007

Great Dance off, Round 2

Round 2 of the Great Dance off brings us the SNL alums bracket. Julia Louis Dreyfus was an SNL cast member dearing some dark years in the 80s and everyone knows about Chris Farley's stint on the show. I must admit...this matchup is a clash of the titans...choose wisely. Keep voting for Round 1 winners and lemme know what swayed you in our comments section.

Elaine's "Sweet fancy Moses" inducing dance

Farley nearly edges out Swayze for a job
Our embedded vid got removed, so here is a LINK to it.

Elaine makes us "Cry, Cry Again" or Farley brings sexy back
Elaine Benes
Chris Farley
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June 4, 2007

The Great Dance off Round 1, Republican Bracket!

This week's dance off pits two political heavyweights against each other in an epic dance battle. From our "Republican Bracket", will it be George "the W stands for 'wiggling'" Bush or Karl "I couldn't be any whiter" Rove? Watch the evidence and vote below, and again...let us know why you voted the way you did. Also, the Freestyle Bracket is still open for voting.

Bush's African Jam

Krazy Karl

Man, that David Gregory can cut a rug too, eh?

Bush's African Jam or Krazy Karl Rove?
George W Bush
MC Karl Rove
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June 2, 2007

The Big Bang Theory

In all fairness, we really didn't have a choice in the matter.

Bangs weren't allowed in the 70's and the 80's were all about the high-fashion of pop music. Don't get me wrong, Michael Jackson was actually COOL back then, and so was HAIRSPRAY. Not just any kind of hairspray, but any type of aerosol containing high amounts of chloroflorocarbons (cfc's). This hairspray, preferrably Aquanet, was sticky and strong and really quite amazing. Now, maybe the fashions just decided that they should be a showcase for the technology of the day, the jury is still out on that one.

In order to show how strong and durable hairspray had actually become, we needed a REASON to use it large quantities. Therefore, the "no-bangs, hair to the middle of your back, combed brilliantly and tucked behind your ear, method of the 70's" had to become extinct. Soon, people of all ages, sexes and creeds, needed to torture their hair in various ways to ensure that not one hair could hang in it's natural state.

Spiral perms? No, that's a whole other subject, much too lengthy to touch on here. I'm thinking of the "curl up - curl down - gigantic bangs" also known as "mall bangs". Henceforth, I will refer to them as 80's bangs.

How was this phenomenon exacted?
Well, first and foremost, you needed to have bangs. Not long enough bangs to be as long as the rest of your hair, oh no, real bangs!
And you also needed a curling iron - one with a giant ironing surface, one that could exceed temperatures of 1000ºF, one that could withstand the chemical fusion of hairspray.
And last, but certainly not least - you needed hairspray. A hairspray, in the largest quantity available, in endless supply, and at least 1 can per week, for maximum fashionocity.

First, divide your bangs horizontally into 2 equal portions. While clipping the "upper" bang away from the "lower bang" - grasp the lower bang with your intensely hot curling iron, and curl downward. While holding the curl as close to your head as possible, spray your hair while burning it in the curling iron. Count to 3, while continuously spraying hairspray. Then unroll, and release your lower bang from the curling iron, and spray the tight curl with hairspray again... count to 3, unless 5 seems more appropriate.

Then unclip your "upper bang" and grasp it with your intensely hot (and now slightly covered with burning hair and hairspray) curling iron, and curl UPward. While holding the curl as close to your head as possible, spray your hair while burning it in the curling iron. Count to 3, while continuously spraying with hairspray. Then unroll and release your upper bang from the curling iron, and spray the sticky curl with a bit more hairspray (count to 3 or 5).

You may think we're done, but we've only just started. Now, take your brush or comb, and tease (a.k.a. "rat") the heck out of those upper bangs. Rat them, like there's NO tomorrow... they will become knotted, crisp, and voluminous! The more your rat, the bigger the bangs become.

All done? Not quite. Now, you spray the entire "hair" region... including both upper and lower bang - with the hairspray, again. Make sure you use enough so that you begin to see stars, and then open a window or door, so you don't pass out (because then your hair will be flat on one side and you'll have to start the process all over again).

What a beautiful thing... 80's bangs. the greatest part was that it was a fashion trend that spanned from butt rock, to pop rock and beyond. Men, women, children of all ages - everyone could have 80's bangs, and everyone could be beautiful. That's right... beautiful.

June 1, 2007

The Great Dance Off! Round 1

First up in the freestyle bracket is everyone's favorite boss David Brent throwing down some impromptu bizness vs. Billy Squier doing God-knows-what. Watch each video, vote...and tell us why you picked the way you did in the comments box.

David Brent's Flashdance/MC Hammer fusion:

Billy Squier's full body dry-heave:

David Brent's freestylin' or Billy Squier's freeflailin'?
David Brent
Billy Squier
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